No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
