So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
