My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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