Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
