Don't you send me to vm
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
