I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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