Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
