no, he came in my armpit
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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