the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
