You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
