Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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