Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
