Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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