i was born a porn star she said
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
