Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
