Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
