The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
