can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
