MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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