no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
