It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize