hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
