If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
