So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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