It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
