Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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