I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
