anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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