Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
