i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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