is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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