I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
