'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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