So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
