i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
