dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
