Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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