I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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