I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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