Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
