It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize