How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
