I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
