"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize