a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
