Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
