She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
