I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
