During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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