Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
