I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
