I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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