i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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