One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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