how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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