there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
