As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
