thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
