Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize