Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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