In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
