Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
