Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
