someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
