Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
