3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Randomize
