He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
