FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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