I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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