Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
