I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
